Torn between things

Wonder how things could be different if you could had taken that deal.....or chose that not so beautiful girl with a heart of gold,rather than that dream girl with a selfish attitude .......or turn left rather than right......Have you ever wonder how your life could turn out to be than?How things could have been so different if you could have or should have,all the IFs and all the BUTs that drive your mind to second guess your decisions.Well i do wonder all the time.
Not too long ago,my life was blessed with confidence....full of energy,just being around me will make you want to be ME.The FIRE in my eyes and the burning desire can actually burn you if are close enough.I am always running around telling people how great my day was and people who had a bad day,bad week,bad year or even struggling to make it in their career should be positive. After all that is how i make it, just staying positive,focus and working hard on it, day in and day out on things i wanted.Well it did work for me. So people who listen to me tend to always filled charge up and are always ready to try out whatever i tell them.It is as if i am like their GURU or something. Some of them even tell me i should be a speaker like those millionaire motivator.Well i felt good on those commands and praises,it really make me feel i had make it this time with my never say die attitude. I felt i was on top of my game and nothing can change it and nothing bad will ever happened to me as long as i continued to be full of confidence and have a right working attitude,NOTHING can destroy what i buildup. But how wrong... how horribly wrong i was.
I remember that day was a pretty hot day and the guy who i hired to clear my office which i had rented for the pass 8 years was calling me on my mobile over and over again to see whether i had arrived to open the door.I was very reluctant to answer my mobile.Looking back i was probably scare to face the world that i am actually closing my business down which i had work so hard for,all those long hours and all those tears and sweat.I was trying to hide the fact that i felt lousy inside and my world around me is falling apart by telling myself and those close to me that it was the right choice and right thing to do.Well it did not work,the fact is i felt like dying and i could not do a damn thing about it.It was the worse day of my entire 37 years of living in this world.